Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and the Death of a Loved One

By Jennifer G. McKechnie, MSW, RSW, Psychotherapist

In the not-so-distant past, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) was a diagnosis that people associated with soldiers struggling with psychological issues after returning from conflict zones.

This association dates back to the years of the First World War, when returning soldiers were referred to as having “shell shock.”

Gradually, our understanding of shell shock, now PTSD, has changed. Recent changes include understanding that this is a condition that doesn’t only afflict soldiers.

So what is PTSD?

PTSD is a diagnosis that can be given to any individual – child or adult – who has lived through traumatic experiences that range from abuse, a serious accident, a violent act, or the tragic death of a loved one.

While PTSD is most commonly thought of as a disorder that affects an individual’s mental health, it also affects other parts of the body, including the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS)*, the endocrine system (i.e., hormones), and the immune system (our defense against illnesses).

*Think of ANS as the system in the body that helps your brain determine: “I’m safe!” or “I’m not safe!”

With PTSD, our nervous system is often saying, “I’m NOT safe!” when we actually are. At the same time, our hormones may be negatively impacting our sleep and appetite, and our immune system may be weakened.

So, really, PTSD is a disorder that can have major effects on our WHOLE body – from our head right down to our toes.

PTSD: Signs and symptoms

While we are fortunate in Canada not to live in a warzone, the reality is that all of us will experience a loss at some point in our lifetime. Sometimes, these losses are unexpected or occur under tragic circumstances. At other times, the loss may have resulted from a long and difficult illness, where we took on a challenging caregiving role or watched our loved one become more and more ill.

These types of experiences can have a profound effect on us, and it’s important that we be aware of the signs and symptoms of trauma following a loss. The sooner we can determine if there is an issue, the sooner we can seek out appropriate supports. And, this can be life saving.

If you or someone you loved recently experienced a traumatic loss and are concerned you may be suffering from PTSD, here are some signs to look out for:

• Frequent rumination about the loss or the events leading up to it (e.g., replaying certain aspects related to the individual or their death, or playing out ‘what ifs’)
• Feeling numb or being overwhelmed by big feelings: grief, sadness, or anger
• Withdrawal from connecting with others, or over-reliance on others
• Changes to your appetite (eating more or less) or bowel movements (frequent diarrhea or onset of constipation), or sleep disturbances (unable to sleep, frequently waking in the night, or sleeping far more than usual)
• Feeling hypervigilant (a sensation of being on guard all of the time, which can include an increased startle response or jumpiness) or hypovigilant (this occurs when a person fails to recognize that they are in a dangerous situation)
• Thoughts of self-harm or actions designed to cause harm to oneself
• The inability to complete day-to-day tasks or frequent ‘zoning out’ (i.e., having thoughts like, “Did I mail that letter, or did I just think I mailed it?”)
• Negative thoughts about oneself, including the belief that others would be “better off” without you, or thoughts of suicide

Keep in mind, this is not an exhaustive list, as symptoms can vary from person to person. If things feel unusual for you, or if you see a loved one behaving differently, it is worth connecting with your family doctor or a psychotherapist to explore things further.

Think you might have PTSD? Here’s what you can do

The sooner you receive the proper support to help you work through your trauma symptoms, the more likely you will recover. With that in mind, here are some ideas for coping with PTSD symptoms related to a traumatic death of a loved one:

• Connect with supportive people in your life – this could be friends, family members, or a therapist
• Consider meeting with a therapist who is skilled in trauma therapy – this may include therapeutic interventions like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) or other evidence-based approaches
• Carve out time to participate in activities that engage the senses: spend time outdoors, do some gardening or puzzles, or get moving (depending on how a person is feeling, more intense or more soothing and restorative movements may be helpful – we are all different!)
• Identify and try to cut out any unnecessary stressors (e.g., taking on a bunch of projects or agreeing to every social outing may contribute to increased stress for some people)
• Don’t hesitate to reach out to your local hospital’s Emergency Department if you are having thoughts of suicide – generally, Emergency Departments are open 24 hours per day, 7 days a week

With PTSD Awareness Day falling on June 27th, something that we can all do is take time to talk about how traumatic experiences can affect any one of us – and that we are all deserving of support and care.

Let’s normalize that PTSD is a disorder that does not discriminate: It is something that anyone can experience following chronically stressful or traumatic events, like the death of a loved one.

The more we talk about it, the more people will know that they are not alone, and that there are supports out there that can help them cope.

Editor’s Note: If you’re a Serenia Life member or beneficiary who is struggling, you have complimentary access to Empathy, an award-winning loss support tool that can help connect you with therapists in your area, among other things. Learn more

About the Author

Jennifer G. McKechnie is a trauma therapist working with both children and adults. Jennifer utilizes interventions such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, as well as Polyvagal Theory in her work. She values ongoing learning as a key part of maintaining and growing her practice. When away from the office, Jennifer incorporates self-regulation techniques into her day by connecting with nature through running, as well as spending time with her partner and pets.